Everybody Hurts
by DC-MarvelGirl 1997
Summary: After his father is killed by Zoom, Barry doesn't know where to go. He goes to Oliver and Felicity, seeking comfort.
1. Chapter 1

_Your mother and I lo-_

Barry stood there, his father's very final words ringing so loudly in his ears that he couldn't hear anything else except that and his own blood-curdling screams. He stood there, watching as Henry Allen's body sunk to the floor before Zoom left the room. Zoom's horrible words played in his head.

 _This is what's gonna make you just. Like. Me!_

Barry rushed across the room at super speed to his father, placing both hands against his dad's chest in a vain attempt to save Henry's life, denying it all.

"No, no, no! Dad, Dad please! Dad, stay with me! Please, Dad, please!" Barry choked, the tears burning in his eyes and saturating his flushed cheeks. He felt all emotions hitting him at once. Denial, anger, bargaining, sadness. They all hit him in the most spontaneous, terrifying way.

 _I can't lose my dad, Joe._

Barry's hands were soaking with blood as he attempted to restart his father's heart with CPR. He gave his dad mouth to mouth, doing anything and everything. His hands shook. He felt so nauseated he felt like throwing up as his breath got caught in his throat. It was then and there that Barry's hands stopped pushing down, and he proceeded to fall against his father's body, crying and sobbing into it as his body shook. He stayed in that position for a total of fifteen minutes before he got up. There was somewhere he needed to go. He just needed to go anywhere else but here. He got up from the floor of his childhood home, the house no longer feeling like home. It felt like the place where everything had been stolen from him. First Nora, now Henry. Barry proceeded to just run, the electricity flying through him as his feat pounded against the ground.

 _I can't believe he's dead! He's dead!_

Barry just continued to run, tears blinding his eyes and soaking his face as the wind smacked against his cheeks. He just kept running, not really sure where he was going or what he was doing. All he knew was he needed to go somewhere. Suddenly, he halted to a stop, and he fell flat on his back, breath heaving. He lied on the ground, face in his hands as he sobbed and sobbed. His entire body vibrated violently as the tears continously made their way down his cheeks.

 _Everything hurts._

It hurt to breathe, to think, to see, to hear. The fact that his dad had just gotten killed right in front of his eyes made his whole body ache. He gripped his hair hard, sobs pouring from his lips continously as he sobbed and sobbed, scared more than anything. He just didn't know what to do.

 _I don't know what I'm doing!_

Barry rocked himself back and forth, violently crying and unable to calm himself down. It hurt to breathe. He looked up and saw he was outside Oliver's apartment.

Star City.

Barry pushed himself up from the ground, his shoulders continuing to shake. He wondered if Oliver was even home. Or if Felicity was there. Or if the two would even be willing to listen to his problems. But he just needed someone to listen to him. It was worth a shot. He was in a need for comfort from somebody that knew firsthand. He got up and sped into the building towards Oliver's condo, knowing that was the place he needed to go.

* * *

Oliver was sitting on his sofa with Thea, having a beer. After the death of Laurel and everything else going on in Star City, everything in his life seemed to be a whirlwind. Who would have thought that up until six months ago, he would stop his domestic life with Felicity and end up fighting Damien Darkh? After that son of a bitch killed Laurel, his first love, he felt the urgency to kill. The low buzz of a movie playing on television was a good distraction. Thea got up to sit with Felicity in the kitchen, who was sipping at hot tea. Suddenly, a gust of wind and a streak of red flew into the room. What was Barry doing here at nine at night? The last time Oliver saw him was after Laurel's funeral.

"Barry?" Oliver asked. He just felt there was something off with the younger man; he saw the way Barry's body was vibrating. Felicity and Thea both came into the room at Oliver saying Barry's name. Felicity saw how Barry's whole body was shaking.

"Barry, what are you doing here?" Felicity asked him. Her voice was soft, as if she were speaking to a frightened animal. "Is everything okay?"

Barry turned around. When he did, Oliver felt like punching somebody. He saw Barry's tear-soaked face, the way the whole world seemed to burning out of his eyes. Barry was so innocent, so kind and so pure and so good from the heart. Hurting him was like kicking a puppy. The tears were gushing out of his blood-shot eyes, his face red as a beat.

"Bar?" Felicity asked him. "Barry, what's going on?"

Oliver cautiously made his way over to the younger man. Barry was just a kid. Whatever had happened had clearly frightened him enough to come running here. "Bar?" He knew Barry was not okay at all. He knew Barry well enough to know when he wasn't alright. He looked into Barry's eyes and saw nothing but pain, fear, anger and grief burning out of them. Barry looked too hurt to even talk about what was upsetting him so much.

Barry opened his mouth to try and talk, to say anything. Thea took one look in his eyes and could see every emotion possible. She'd felt that way when her mother had gotten killed right in front of her, when she saw Laurel bleed from the mouth at the hands of Damien Darkh. She felt a wave of compassion and sympathy for Barry.

Oliver went over to Barry and placed a hand on the other man's shoulder. "Barry," he whispered. "Barry, are you alright?"

Barry shook his head wordlessly. "N-No," he choked. Oliver felt relieved that he at least said something. At least he was hearing something from him. Barry continued to try and voice out what was troubling him. "Z-Zoom. M-My dad-" Barry choked on the last word, and Oliver knew instantly what Barry was trying to say. Zoom had killed his father. Right in front of him. And he didn't know where else to go. Even though Oliver wasn't a hugger, he knew Barry needed one right now. He simply pulled the younger man into his arms to rest his head against his shoulder. Felicity and Thea seemed to sense Barry needed some time with Oliver alone right now, and the two women backed out of the room.

Barry violently sobbed against Oliver's shoulder as he broke down, tears falling onto the crook of the older man's neck. His entire body trembled in fear and anguish. Oliver ran a hand through Barry's hair, patting his back. "Shh," Oliver hushed him. "I'm here."

Barry's knees were shaking; he would have collapsed if it hadnt been for Oliver holding him up. He was obviously traumatized by what had happened. "I-It w-was so b-bad Ollie," he whimpered out. It was probably the worst sound Oliver had ever heard. Never had he ever heard Barry whimper before. Poor kid.

"I know, I know," Oliver whispered. "Shh, I know." He nodded his head. He simply guided Barry to his room, knowing Barry wasn't going anywhere any time soon. He felt compassionate for Barry; he knew what it was like to watch your parent die right in front of you. His father had committed suicide and shot himself in the head. His mother had Slade Wilson drive a sword through her heart right in front of him and his sister. Oliver just recently watched Damien Darkh kill his childhood friend and Laurel had siezed and died in front of his eyes. Oliver simply sat Barry down on his bed and grabbed a t-shirt, helping Barry out of his Flash suit. Once Barry was changed, Oliver pulled the blankets back on his bed and helped him lay down. Barry's sobs were a violent burst of misery against the pillows as Oliver took him by the hand, pushing the younger man's hair back soothingly. It took over an hour for Barry to finally calm down, but when he did, he got up, his face a gaunt green tint. Oliver helped him to the bathroom where Barry proceeded to vomit his stomach lining. Barry continously threw up, the nausea over powering him as he vomited for every time he had suffered. His neck was drenched in sweat. Once Barry was done being sick in the toilet, Oliver helped him to his feet and back to bed. The kid was in for a rough night. Once Barry's head hit the pillow, his eyelids fluttered.

"Relax," Oliver told him. "Rest, just rest."

Barry nodded and proceeded to fall asleep, his breathing slowing. Oliver sighed in relief. Felicity walked into the room hesitantly.

"How is he?" Felicity asked.

"He's not doing so hot. I just stayed with him until he fell asleep," Oliver explained. "God, I can only begin to imagine what's going through his head."

"It's best that he get some sleep. He deserves to get some peace," said Felicity.

Oliver nodded as he watched Barry's sleeping form, his pale face haunting. "God, Barry."

Oliver stayed with the younger man through the night, knowing Barry needed sleep. Oliver allowed himself to drift off to sleep in an arm chair, but was awoken every couple hours or so by Barry screaming in his sleep due to nightmares. He knew Barry was way past his limit and was going to be hurting for a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note:**

 **Thank you for the notes and reviews. I'm going to definitely take some of your thoughts into consideration. Currently I'm working Caitlin and Cisco and Iris into the story. Glad that you are enjoying it. Read and review and tell me what you'd like to see in the upcoming chapter.**

* * *

Felicity sat by Barry's bed, watching him sleep. She'd heard him scream in his sleep all night long because of nightmares. What had happened had scared him deeply. Felicity let out a sigh. She knew that for a fact Cisco and Caitlin would be there to come and get Barry back home to Central City. She could smell eggs in the kitchen; Thea was cooking breakfast. Felicity knew Barry wasn't going to want to be eating anything; he probably couldn't stomach anything at this point. At least now he was sleeping peacefully. Felicity felt thankful that now Barry was at least sleeping and getting the peace he deserved. She couldn't even fathom the idea of Barry needing to watch his father get murdered. He'd already lost his mom at the hands of a speedster; now the same thing happened to his father. She looked over at the clock; it was eleven thirty, almost noon. Felicity got up from the chair at Barry's bedside and went into the kitchen. Oliver was sitting at the table with his hands folded.

"How is he?" Thea asked. She knew to an extent what Barry was going through. Her mother had been murdered in front of her and Oliver. She wanted to help in some way.

"He's still asleep. I don't wanna wake him. He's been through hell last night," said Felicity.

"This sucks," Oliver whispered. "First his mom, and now his dad. He's probably thinking that he comes so close to winning, but in the end he ends up losing. I know how he is. He's just as stubborn as I am."

Thea nodded. "He's gonna be okay, Ollie. We just need to give him time to heal."

"But the fact is he feels his father is dead because of him," Felicity said. "That's a heavy burden to bear."

They were thankfully distracted by knocking at the door.

"Cisco and Caitlin," Oliver whispered. He got up to allow Barry's friends in. When he opened the door, he saw Caitlin and Cisco both looking saddened. They knew.

"How is he?" Caitlin asked.

"He's not doing good. He hasn't handled it well. I mean it's almost noon and he's still asleep if that tells you something," Oliver explained.

"We took Henry's body back to S.T.A.R Labs. We're keeping it in house and making sure it doesn't get out," Cisco said. "After Barry having seen that last night he deserves that much respect."

Oliver nodded. "He's been put through hell. We are just letting him rest as much as he can. Plus I don't feel like waking him. He deserves to have some peace."

Caitlin and Cisco both nodded and went into Oliver's room to find Barry fast asleep, his face swollen from crying himself to sleep. Caitlin and Cisco both sat with Barry, Cisco on the bed and Caitlin on a chair. Cisco ran a hand through Barry's hair soothingly. Barry stirred five minutes later. He awoke slowly, moaning.

"Bar? Barry? Can you hear me?" Caitlin whispered.

Barry opened his eyes slowly, blinking to make the room come into focus. He looked to see a blurry Caitlin next to him, holding his hand. "Hey," he croaked out.

"How are you feeling?" Cisco asked softly.

"I don't know," Barry admitted, tears returning to his eyes.

Caitlin squeezed his hand and simply brushed away a lone tear. "Barry, hun, listen to me. It's gonna be okay. Just give it time and take a breath."

Barry nodded. "It just-it hurts," he whispered, his voice shaking. He could slowly feel himself breaking down again. He felt Cisco's hands resting on his shoulders.

"I know, dude, I know," Cisco said softly. He knew that what Barry saw last night had traumatized him and probably would for a long time. His dad had been killed in front of him; he'd been forced to watch and Cisco couldn't help but think Barry was feeling useless.

"I-I could've saved him," Barry choked out.

"Barry, there's nothing anyone could have done," Caitlin whispered. "It was all out of our control. None of us were expecting that to happen."

"Is he still-?" Barry couldn't bring himself to finish the question.

"We took him back to S.T.A.R Labs. We-We're gonna keep this in house and make sure it doesn't get out. Iris and Joe are both doing damage control at CCPD and CCPN," Cisco explained. He massaged Barry's shoulders lightly. "We don't need a media circus or the cops involved in this. You deserve that much respect."

Barry nodded; it was an act of kindness and compassion he felt he fully didn't deserve, but it meant a lot. "Thank you."

Caitlin brushed a hand through his hair. She wiped more of his tears away, her gestures gentle, almost motherly. Despite Caitlin and Cisco being there, their presense comforting and loving, Barry could still feel all of his anger, grief and sorrow burning in him. When he saw Zoom phasing a hand right through his father's heart, he'd not only felt denial, fear and sadness; he'd felt an overwhelming anger that was still there. He felt the darkness in him, a darkness he hadn't felt since they had sent Reverse Flash back to his time. He heard Felicity and Oliver walking in hesitantly. He felt Felicity sitting at his feet, Oliver next to Cisco. It was that moment Barry felt the pure anger in him. The pure anger towards Zoom. Zoom had betrayed all of them. He'd pretended to be Jay Garrick, to be a hero, took away his speed, almost took away Caitlin's sanity, and took away the one thing that was so precious to Barry, the one last blood-related parent he'd had after his mom had died. His dad was everything to him, his best friend, acted as a father despite being in a cell, loved him, cared for him, and now he was gone due to a sociopathic speedster. He was dead because of Barry. He'd stayed in Central City for Barry, and now he was dead. It was a firey emotional pain and anger that was leaving Barry in a whirlwind. Barry had wanted nothing more than to have justice for his father. He'd finally gotten it, and now his dad's life was taken away. He remembered what Oliver had told him after Laurel's funeral.

"I have to do it," he whispered, his jaw clenched and eyes closed as he felt the deep anger and rage in his chest.

"Do what?" asked Felicity. She didn't even know if she wanted to hear it.

"I have to kill that son of a bitch," Barry growled around his tears.


	3. Chapter 3

_"I have to kill that son of a bitch."_

It was probably the worst thing Oliver had ever heard Barry say. Was Barry, who was so kind, so sweet, so loving, such a gentle soul, capable of killing a man? He didn't even want to think about it. Barry's words wrung in his ears. The younger man was still in Oliver's room with Caitlin and Cisco, who were trying to coax him out so that they could get him back home to Central City. Oliver knew Barry. Barry was a person with a light heart; he was constantly trying to see the best in other people, to see humanity in others. It was Barry who tried getting his worst criminals to Lian Yu in an effort to keep them from dying when the particle excellirator had been reactivated. He valued life; he saw that regardless of the bad things people did, their lives still had value. In many ways, Oliver wished he could be Barry. He wished he could be the man Barry was. So to hear Barry wanted to go after Zoom and kill him, it made Oliver feel sick. Barry was an all around good person; his heart was as big as his brain. Oliver felt Felicity sitting beside him.

"Oliver? You do know Barry was just saying that because he's pissed off, right?" Felicity asked. "You don't think he'd actually. . .?"

"I honestly hope to God not," Oliver whispered. "I'm hoping he was just saying that in anger and he doesn't mean that. That's not who Barry is. He cares whether or not people live or die. The fact that he would even suggest killing someone in cold blood. . . I don't even wanna think about that."

Felicity nodded. "I'm more worried about what he might try to do to forge a better life for himself."

"What do you mean?" asked Oliver.

"You remember how he mentioned the fake Wells propositioned him to go back and save his mom from dying?" Felicity asked.

Oliver nodded.

"What if he tries that? What if he tries going back so he can have his family again? I mean, when Thawne killed his mom, that changed everything. It completely changed the whole timeline from the time Barry was eleven. If he makes that decision, if he tries doing that, what if it gets rid of his powers? What if it changes him? If he tries turning time back, his dad would never go to prison, and he might not meet any of us. There's no telling what his life will be," Felicity said.

"I'll talk to him. I mean, if I had his abilities I would make the exact same choice, Felicity. I would go back and stop my dad from shooting himself in the head, I would save my mother. Him and I- we're not that different. I've been where he is. And he's just as stubborn as I am, but he's also impulsive and pulls decisions out of his ass," Oliver stated. "I mean, I've been in his shoes."

"If there's anyone that can talk him around it it's you, Oliver," Thea said. "You of all people know how grief can change a person."

Oliver nodded. "Yeah. I-I just don't want him to make a mistake. I'll go talk to him." He got up to go back into his room. He could hear Caitlin and Cisco trying to coax Barry out of bed with very little luck. He knocked lightly before opening the door, nodding at Cisco and Caitlin to leave him with Barry. The two nodded and got up. Oliver could see Barry's forehead and hair were sweaty, his face was swollen with tears, and his eyes were screwed shut tightly. He looked as though he was about to be sick. The poor kid had been put through so much in the last few hours. There was only so much a person could take.

"Bar? Kid?" Oliver whispered, hoping Barry could hear him. "How're you holding up?"

Barry's lips were trembling with sobs of, "I couldn't save him! I failed! I failed!"

Oliver nodded sympathetically even though Barry couldn't see. He cupped his hand to Barry's cheek, brushing away a few tears. "I know," Oliver whispered. He pushed the younger man's sweaty hair back. "Barry I know how you feel."

Barry shook his head, continuing to just cry and cry.

"Barry, I've been here before. So many times. If I could take everything back and make things different, I would. After the Gambit went down, it was me, my father and a crew member, lost at sea on a life raft, only enough food and water for one person. My dad, he grabbed a pistol and shot the crew member, told me to survive, and then he shot himself in the head right in front of me. He sacrificed himself so I can live. I had no choice. Years later, Thea and I watched Slade Wilson drive a sword right through my mother's heart. My lifelong best friend Tommy Merlyn died I watched him die because Malcolm Merlyn killed him in the Undertaking. And just recently, Damien Darkh ambushed me, Dig, Thea and Laurel. He used his powers to strangle Laurel by the time he stopped she was bleeding internally because he stabbed her with an arrow I shot at him; after she got out of surgery she seized and died right in front of my eyes. So I get it. I feel the urge to kill Darkh. I wanna find him and ring his neck for killing Laurel," Oliver whispered. "I've been in your shoes many times, Barry. I know you might not know how to deal with it all right now, but I do know that Caitlin, Cisco, Felicity, Iris, Joe, Dig, Thea, Lyla, Wells and I, we all love you. We are the ones that give a crap about whether or not you kill someone out of cold blood, or whether or not you try to time travel back to save your mom to force a better life for yourself. Please, Barry, just go home with Cait and Cisco and allow your dad to rest in the peace that he deserves. Let us help you."

Barry sniffled, more tears escaping his closed eyelids. "I-It hurts. I-I just miss them. _I miss them s-so much_."

Oliver knew Barry was talking about his mother and father. "Barry, you're human. You can't just run away from every tragedy that's thrown your way. I know it hurts. It's been years since my father shot himself; sometimes the pain of remembering it is worse than the day it happened. I spent five years in hell having that memory in my head. I know you wanted justice for your father. You wanted him free, you finally got that, and it got taken away. I'm sorry you got put through that last night, you don't deserve this." Oliver smoothed Barry's hair back.

 _"I just want my family back!"_ Barry sobbed out. "I-I just-I want-I want my mom right now. I want my dad!"

"Barry I know." Oliver sat on the bed and pulled the younger man against his side firmly. He just held him, rubbing his back, cradling his head in his hand. "Shhhh, shhhh. You'll be alright. Everything's gonna be alright. You're gonna get through this; we're in this together."

Barry sobbed violently into Oliver's chest, his whole body shaking severely as Caitlin walked in. The red-head grabbed Barry's hands, squeezing gently, rubbing his arm. Barry felt Caitlin kiss his forehead, trying to soothe him. Barry just cried and cried until he ran out of tears and he fell asleep in Oliver's arms. Somehow, having Oliver hold him kept the nightmares away, and he was allowed to have at least a little bit of peace.

* * *

Barry had managed to sleep for the whole six hours drive back to Central City. Both Cisco and Oliver half carried Barry to the van, deciding Oliver and Felicity would stay with Barry for a bit to help with the funeral arrangements and keep him company. Both Oliver and Felicity knew Barry was in terrible emotional pain. Cisco, Joe and Oliver all helped carry Barry up the stairs and into his bed. Iris had felt sick when they'd found Henry's body, the pool of blood in the middle of the living room. Cisco and Caitlin had expertly wrapped the body up and took Henry's corpse back to the lab, but that didn't make it any less painful. Henry Allen was a kind soul of a man, a remarkable husband and father. The fact that Zoom had just killed him made Iris feel sick. When she saw Oliver, Joe and Cisco carrying her best friend into the house, she'd caught a glimpse of his saturated face. According to Oliver, he, Thea and Felicity had looked after Barry and took care of him, something Iris felt grateful for. Currently, Oliver was sitting with Iris and Joe, a cup of coffee in his hands. Felicity and Cisco were upstairs tending to Barry, while Caitlin was with Wally, Jesse and Harry at S.T.A.R Labs. Iris had her face in her hands, trying to keep herself from crying, Oliver's hand residing on her knee comfortingly.

"I just can't believe that this happened," Iris whispered.

Oliver nodded. Iris was Barry's best friend, not to mention the two were infatuated with one another. Oliver couldn't help but think Henry's death was hard on Iris too. He looked to Joe; the cop looked as though he was barely holding himself together. "I know. No one more so than Barry. He had a rough night. It was bad. I don't think I've ever seen him so upset like that. That was the worst I've seen him."

"Look, Oliver, I appreciate you being here," said Joe.

Oliver nodded again. He knew Barry needed someone to be his rock while he was at his worst, at his weakest. "I'm always here for him, Joe."

After that, the three didn't exchange any other words. There was not much to say. Oliver wanted nothing more than to tell Barry that he loved and thought of him as a son. Oliver also knew Barry was hurting badly. He just knew he needed to be there and listen to what Barry wanted and needed. He would do what it took to keep Barry from drowning in darkness. The kid's head was under water practically. Oliver sighed as he went up to Barry's room to check on him, to find Barry still fast asleep. Sleep was what Barry needed at this point. Oliver pressed a hand against Barry's forehead, whispering, "You'll be alright."


	4. Chapter 4

When Barry awoke, his head felt as though it weighed a thousand pounds. His limbs were stiff and achy, and his throat was parched. His eyes were swollen from all the crying he'd done in the last twenty-four hours. He opened his eyes and saw he was in his bedroom, blankets tucked around him. Instantly, he felt somebody's hand in his. Felicity.

"Barry?" Felicity asked asked him softly.

"Felicity? Wh-What's happening?" Barry asked her.

"Oliver, Cait, Cisco and I got you back home. You're safe. Oliver and I will be staying in Central for a while," Felicity explained.

Barry nodded. He felt thankful that Felicity and Oliver had taken him home and allowed him to stay a night at Oliver's apartment, but he still felt hollow in his heart.

"Are you feeling any better than you did earlier?"

"What time is it?"

"Eleven. You've been asleep pretty much the whole day," Felicity said.

Barry nodded. Tears returned to his eyes when thinking of his dad. "My dad. . ."

"Oh honey." Felicity pulled him against her chest, running fingers through his hair. "Barry, Barry, I know. Laurel was like a sister to me she was like family. I just recently watched her die after being stabbed by Darkh. I know the pain you're feeling."

"How-How am I supposed to get p-past it?" Barry mumbled.

"I don't know, but you can't just run away. Just because you've got super speed it doesn't mean you're not human. You're allowed to feel sad, Barry." Felicity leaned her chin against his head.

"I-I'm s-so tired of-of crying," Barry said tearfully. "Cause I know once I start I won't-won't stop.'"

"That's what Cisco, Caitlin, Iris, Joe, Oliver and I are here for," Felicity whispered. "We're always here for you. Bar, I know you miss you're dad. I know you're angry and you're upset and you're hurting, and it's alright. But, just because this whole thing angered you doesn't mean you should try and kill Zoom."

"Felicity I wanna kill him so bad." Barry balled his hands into tight fists. "That son of a bitch killed my dad, he stole my speed and broke my back, he almost took away Caitlin's sanity! Wh-What he-he did w-was unforgivable!"

"I know, Barry, and Zoom's gonna rot in hell for it. He's going to hell for it. There's no apology invented for all of the horrible things he's done," Felicity whispered.

"I-I'm j-just s-so _scared-Oh my God-_ I'm so _s-scared_ of-of not h-having a f-father!" Barry choked out.

"Barry, it's okay to be scared. It's okay to be afraid, sweetheart, but you're not alone you've got people in your life that are willing to walk beside you through it all," Felicity whispered. She rubbed his back gently. "You've got me, Joe, Iris, Cait, Cisco, Ollie. We are not going to let you be alone through this."

"I-I'm afraid I'm n-never gonna feel whole again," Barry sobbed. "I-I j-just accepted m-my mom's death. N-Now m-my d-dad gets k-killed. I-I watched him-him die!"

"Don't say that. You _will_ feel whole again, honey. You'll get through it."

Barry just continued to cry in Felicity's embrace just as Iris walked into the room. She sat in the bed beside her best friend, resting her hands on his back. Felicity felt it was time for Iris to speak to Barry. She got up from her chair and allowed Barry to fall into Iris' lap, crying into his hands.

Iris rubbed Barry's back soothingly, pressing a kiss to the back of his head. She continued to just hold him. It wasn't that Iris didn't want to say something comforting; she just couldn't find the right words to say. Joe walked in and knelt beside his adoptive son, placing a hand on Barry's head.

"Barry," Joe whispered as he watched his son cry. It wasn't long untI'll both Joe and Iris were holding Barry tight, allowing him to stain Joe's shirt with tears. "Barry, I know. You were like this after your dad got imprisoned. You're allowed to be sad. If you fall apart, we're here. We're all right here."

Barry continued to just cry violently. He felt like all he did was cry. The fact that Joe, Iris and everyone else was letting him let the pain out meant a lot, but it didn't mean he didn't want to kill Zoom. He wanted Hunter Zoloman dead in the ground, for him to suffer the amount of pain Henry suffered with during his death.

* * *

The next morning, Barry found himself at Cisco's apartment on his friend's couch. Cisco had offered Barry to come over so he could try and distract himself. Barry took the offer up, grateful to have a friend like Cisco in his life. The two found themselves watching Empire Strikes Back, which would follow up with the routine of Cisco telling him, "I have and always shall be your friend." Barry was trying to keep his angry thoughts of _Zoom. I wanna kill him. I wanna kill him. I am GONNA kill him_ at bay as he and Cisco watched the movie, their breakfast on the coffee table forgotten. However, Barry was distracted from the film when he saw mirages of Zoom killing his dad. Of Zoom stabbing him in the abdomen. Of Zoom breaking his back. Barry flinched, feeling his eyes burning, but he swallowed his tears back.

"Dude, you okay?" Cisco whispered. He wished that he could do something to help Barry.

Barry shook his head. He wasn't okay at all. Cisco instinctively paused the movie and moved so he was sitting in front of Barry. He knew Barry was hurting and grieving. Cisco might not have lost a parent, but he was sympathetic.

"What's going on?" Cisco asked him.

Barry tried hiding his tears from the person he viewed as a brother, a person that he loved very much. "I-I keep h-having f-flashbacks of-of Zoom, a-and all that he's done." Cisco pulled Barry into him, hugging him firmly.

"Bar, I'm pretty sure after what you've been through the other day that it's perfectly normal to have flashbacks like this." Cisco just rubbed his back soothingly.

"H-He w-was the l-last f-family member I-I had l-left. F-First my-my mother, and n-now my dad," Barry whispered.

Cisco nodded. "Yeah, yeah I know. I know."

"I-It's j-just that-that e-every time I-I c-come c-close to winning, I-I s-still f-feel like I'm l-losing," Barry whispered. "I-I wanna kill that s-son of a bitch!"

"And what would that achieve you?" Cisco asked him.

"A-At l-least I-I will b-be getting justice for m-my dad," Barry said darkly.

"Killing isn't justice, Bar," Cisco whispered. "Barry, you're gonna get through this. Let us help you." He continued to rub Barry's back firmly. "We aren't going to let you kill someone in cold blood. That's not you, man."

"Well wh-what am I?"

"The person that values life. The person that gives a crap about other people. The person that won't let any innocent person die," Cisco whispered. "Zoom doesn't care who lives or dies. He wants to see you become like him. You will never be him because you know what's right and wrong. You know that killing people, regardless of the horrible things they've done, is wrong."

Barry just blinked back tears as Cisco continued to rub circles into his back. He wanted so badly to get his revenge on Zoom, but he also didn't want to lose his human side. Barry truthfully didn't know what it was that he wanted. He just sat there, silently crying as Cisco made attempts at comforting him.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

 **Thank you all so much for the supportive reviews the past days! Glad to see there are people enjoying the story. Continue with reading and reviewing! I wanted this chapter to be slightly focused on Barry's conflicting feelings towards wanting to kill Zoom. Let me know what you'd like to see in the next chapter. I was actually thinking about having the next chapter be focused on Caitlin as well as Iris talking to Barry. It's the reviews I get on these that encourage me to write more and more.-**

 **Dani**


	5. Chapter 5

Barry found himself the next day sitting in the pipeline, thinking over everything that had happened over the past couple days. His hands shook, tears still in his eyes. He'd been crying on and off the past couple days. Keeping his head in his hands, he could hear the sound of Caitlin's heals clicking against the floor. From what he could smell, she'd brought Big Belly Burger for him. There was no secret he'd avoided eating the past two days. He just came to S.T.A.R for the sake of getting out of Cisco's apartment. While he was grateful for Oliver and Felicity staying in Central, he still felt empty inside. He felt twisted to the pit of his stomach with nausea. He felt Caitlin sitting beside him.

"Barry? You okay?" Caitlin asked. She'd been worrying about him the past two days when they'd found Henry's body. She couldn't help but think to herself how heartbroken Barry must've felt. When her and Cisco had come to Oliver and Thea's place to pick him up, her thoughts proved correct. Seeing Barry lying in Oliver's bed, his face swollen from crying his eyes out, her worries had increased.

Barry looked up from his hands. "I don't know. It's just. . . I feel so frigging confused, Cait. I-one minute I wanna put my arms around Zoom's neck and strangle him for all the pain that he's caused us. He killed my dad, tortured Jesse, almost took away your sanity. But on another hand I don't know if I'm capable of killing a man."

Caitlin nodded, touching his arm. "Because you're human, Barry. Despite all the horrible things you've been put through and seen, you're still kind in your heart. You care about people. You go out of your way for others; you were willing to save Jesse despite never having met her. And I do know if you try to go after Zoom and kill him, that would break you as a human, you would feel nothing but remourse and guilt for it and it will continuously eat you alive. None of us want that for you."

Barry nodded.

"Barry, when my dad died from MS, that tore me and my mother apart. My mother tried everything she could to save him, but she failed. As a result during my worst time of grief, my mom didn't even try offering me any comfort. She became the biggest cold hearted bitch I knew. But this is different, Bar. You've got every single one of us that are willing to help you. When I first thought I'd lost Ronnie, I buried myself into my work and found it easier to be angry at the world, but then you came into my life and told me to stop and take a breath. That's all we are telling you to do. We do not want you to make choices you will regret later," Caitlin told him. "I want to hear from you, Barry. What do you want?"

"I don't know what I want," Barry admitted. "All I know is, my whole life's work was focused on getting justice for my father, I finally got it, and now, I lost. I-I carried all that weight around for so long, for so many years, and now. . . now I feel the responsibility to defeat Zoom for good. I want him gone. I just want to win against him, considering he took enough away from me."

"But, Barry, if you kill Zoom, it'll be easier to kill again and again. You know what Oliver would tell you. He has to carry the weight of all the people he's killed every single day. He doesn't want you to be like him. He wants you to be better."

"All I know is, I-I want Zoom out of our lives. He destroyed me, you. All of us," Barry said softly. He could hear Iris rounding the corner.

"Barry, truth be told, we all want Zoom out of our lives. He's taken enough. Don't let him take away your humanity," Iris insisted. She sat next to him on his other side.

"Okay," Barry said around a nod. "I-I won't kill him, but I still want to make sure he doesn't take anything away from anybody else. So how do we defeat him once and for all?"

"We'll figure something out. Right now, we need to allow Henry to rest peacefully and give him the respect that he deserves. Think about what he'd want from you," Iris said softly. She took Barry by the hand and squeezed it lightly.

Barry nodded, feeling tears escaping his eyes. "Okay, I will put him to rest."

"We'll plan the funeral arrangements, Bar. Don't worry about it. I'm gonna go talk to Joe." Caitlin got up from the floor and went towards the cortex. Iris leaned her head on Barry's shoulder.

"Do you ever think I will get past any of this?" Barry asked Iris.

"I know you will, Barry. You've been through many tragedies and yet you managed to be so strong through it all. It's one of the things I love most about you. Your strength, your courage, your heart; Barry that's what always made you a hero. The last thing that I want for you is for you to compromise your values," Iris told him gently. She carded her fingers through Barry's hair gently. "The reason why Zoom- Hunter- is the way that he is is because he chose wrong. He chose to use his tragedies as an excuse to be a killer, to be a sociopath. He could have chosen to be better than his abusive dick of a father. You're not him."

Barry felt Iris' arm underneath his shoulders and around his back, soft, gentle, comforting, a gesture that made him feel safe, loved and protected. "I know. I know, Iris. I just-I just miss my mom and dad. I miss them both so much, and I cannot help but think that they lost their lives because of me, because of who I am. I-I feel responsible for my dad dying. He stayed in Central City for me, and as a result he's dead."

"Barry, what happened to Henry was not your fault. The only person that is at fault here is Zoom, and he's going to pay for what he did," Iris told him, sternly yet gently. "We just don't want you carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders."

"I always will, Iris. That's what I've been doing since my mom got killed by Reverse Flash," Barry whispered, more tears escaping his green eyes.

"You don't deserve that, Barry. You forced yourself to grow up too fast because you wanted to prove your dad's innocence. You wanted to prove that Henry didn't kill Nora. You did. You got a confession out of Eobard Thawne and you got your dad out of prison; that's something you should be very proud of, Barry. That was what your whole life's work was centered on: proving peoples' innocence. Keeping innocent people from going to prison. You can continue to fulfill your life's work by helping others. It's what Henry would want," Iris told him.

"I just don't want to feel so empty inside. I'm so, so tired of it all," Barry told her as he looked into the warm brown eyes of his first love. Iris pressed a kiss against his forehead, continuing to card her fingers through his hair soothingly.

They both just sat there like that, Iris' arm across Barry and her head on his shoulder, her fingers brushing through his hair. As they sat there in silence, Oliver and Felicity stood in the wings, watching them both. Oliver could tell that both Barry and Iris had a very special bond and always would. In a way, Oliver was glad that Barry had a person like Iris in his life. She kept him in the light and pulled him from the farthest edge that he could go to. He looked at Felicity; even though they were no longer together and engaged, she kept him in the light and all he knew was that he wanted to find his way back to her. Felicity just leaned herself into Oliver, sighing. All the two of them could hope for was that Barry wasn't going to allow the darkness consume him; that he was going to be better, if not for Henry then for himself.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **I am thinking about including another Barry and Oliver moment in the next chapter, because I am with you guys. I love the friendship that the two of them share and how they bring out the best in one another. Next chapter I am thinking about having Oliver talk to Barry again. Tell me what you guys think of this one. I wanted to add in a moment with Caitlin and Iris because I felt as though that was something that was missing.-**

 **Dani**


	6. Chapter 6

It was after Henry's funeral that Barry found himself up on the rooftop of Jitters. While it was Iris' spot, Barry figured he just needed to go up there to think. Just a week or so ago, he and Iris talked about giving dating a shot, but now he wasn't so sure if he could be the man Iris deserved if he didn't even know firsthand what was wrong with him. He was still wearing the suit and tie from the funeral, his hands folded as he stared off into the night sky. Zoom was still out there, terrorizing the city and Earth 2. Barry wanted nothing more than to take that son of a bitch down for all the pain and suffering he'd caused so many people. As he looked out into the night sky, he could sense he wasn't alone. Somehow, Jesse had found him up there.

"Hey," Jesse said. She was now changed into a S.T.A.R Labs tshirt and a pair of cotton sweats as well as black Converse sneakers. "Iris told me you'd be up here."

"I just needed some place to think," Barry admitted. "Needed out of the lab."

Jesse nodded her understanding. "Yeah," she said. "You feeling okay? I mean, I know that was hard for you today, needing to do that."

"I-I still don't know if I'll ever feel whole again," Barry admitted to the brilliant seventeen year old who far smarter than he was.

"It's gonna take time. I mean, my mom died when I was twelve. When I lost her I thought my whole world was going to end. Both my dad and I didn't know what to do with ourselves," Jesse said. "I mean, my dad's my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without him; if I lost him I don't know how I'd deal with that. So I can only begin to imagine how much you miss your dad right now."

"Jesse, I-I," Barry felt the tears coming. "I just don't know how to move on. All I know is that I want Zoom gone and of my life- all of our lives."

"I know." Jesse nodded, understanding. "Look, Barry, umm, when my mom passed, I didn't know where to turn. It wasn't until my dad set up a reading for me with a medium that I allowed myself to move on. I mean, I know you were raised Catholic, according to Iris and I know if you have views that are old school you're told not to believe in therapy or reaching out to someone that speaks to the dead, but it helps."

Barry nodded. "Well my dad and Joe were always the only therapists I needed. My dad was something special. He managed to be a dad to me even from behind a cell. At one point he told me to change my last name because he didn't want people giving me crap about him being in prison. But I am so proud I didn't because I am proud to be his son."

Jesse nodded her understanding. "Well, he was an amazing person, Barry. I mean when I was in that coma before you woke me up and cured me he treated me; he looked after me and made sure that I was living. I can't think of any words to thank him for that. He was selfless. Now I know where you get it from." She squeezed his shoulder. "You good?"

Barry nodded. "I'm as good as I can manage to be right now. I just-I need time to process all of this. I mean, I need to fix what's wrong with me right now before I can form a relationship with Iris that's on a romantic level. I want to try it with her, but I cannot do it right now."

"You shouldn't feel pressured to do anything you are not ready for yet," Jesse told him.

"Can I have a couple more minutes alone, please? I-I need a clear head before going to bed tonight. Plus, I-I cannot stop thinking about how Zoom is terrorising both our Earths, and how I need to take some responsibility in taking that son of a bitch down," Barry whispered. "Currently, Oliver's doing the same with Darkh; he'll be back in a day from now, plus, I wanna hear how that goes."

"I understand. I can forgive, but I will never forget being in Zoom's hell hole. He's done things to me that I will never forget, things that were horrendous, claiming he was going to kill me in front of my dad, that son of a bitch. He's pure evil, he's the Hitler of Earth 2; we've been oppressed by him for far too long. I'm done with taking it, my dad is done with taking it, and I know you are just as done with taking it as we are. Even after we are done taking Zoom down, there's still going to be a lot to fix, Barry. There's emotional and physical scars from everything he's done," Jesse told him, squeezing his shoulder again before descending away, allowing Barry some time for himself.

* * *

The next morning, Barry awoke to Felicity in a chair next to him, fast asleep. Most likely, Oliver was crashing on the couch. He looked over at the clock and saw that it was ten in the morning. Oliver and Felicity must have drove over there over night. Barry forced himself to get up; he couldn't just spend the whole day in bed. When he went down to the living room, he found Oliver sitting up on the sofa, the television playing a low buzz.

"Hey kid," Oliver said. "I'm sorry I missed the funeral."

Barry nodded. "It's fine. You were doing what you had to do."

"Yeah, and I succeeded. I know that killing Darkh wasn't what Laurel would have wanted, but I do not regret my decision of doing what I had to do, but I still feel as though I am carrying that weight," Oliver admitted. "I don't want that for you. Because once you kill once, it's easier to do it again."

Barry nodded again. He sat down on the sofa and put his feet up. "This is probably the worst couple weeks of my life."

"Yeah I know. Henry was the last biological parent that you had left in your life and the last thing that you wanted was to lose him. I mean, when Thea and I lost our mother, that killed us both. It was horrible. I had to resist the urge to kill him. In a way, I am so happy he's in my own private prison on Lian Yu, because if I see that son of a bitch one more time, I'm gonna put my arms around his throat," Oliver said.

"Not necessarily helping considering I just decided I am not killing Zoom," said Barry.

"I know, I know. I'm just saying, I get that you're feeling enraged towards Zoom and you want him to suffer, but knowing you, you could never live with yourself if you killed him. You'd be blaming yourself for years and years, and I do not want you living like that," Oliver told him. "Don't be like me. Be better."

Barry nodded. "I always try," he admitted. He leaned his head back into the sofa, closing his eyes.

Oliver simply reached over and pulled Barry into his side firmly. The two stayed like that for a while, Barry keeping his eyes shut as he tried to feel some sort of peace.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Okay, I know what some of you are thinking. I know you are probably going to say, "Have Oliver convince Barry not to create Flashpoint." I'm pretty sure that I cannot do that, considering that is a component that adds to Barry and Oliver's friendship and makes it stronger. Plus, I feel as though if Barry didn't screw up royally, he wouldn't be who he is. I want to stay true to the story lines that were followed on the show. Next chapter, what I am going to do is have Iris and Barry have the conversation on the porch like they did in the season 2 finale, since I want to have a WestAllen moment. Thank you for supporting the story and loving and enjoying it. I already know I am going to reference Flashpoint in this story, there's no questioning that.-**

 **XOXO, Dani.**


	7. Chapter 7

It was a week later. A week later that made everything fall into a hole. Barry found himself sitting out on the front porch, his arms wrapped around his knees, tears leaking from his eyes. He shakily sighed. He had won the race against Zoom. He defeated him. Hunter Zoloman was long gone off the face of the earth. Barry's heart ached when he thought back to meeting the real Jay Garrick, seeing the original speedster look exactly like his father. Jay Garrick being his late father's dopliganger was too much for him to take. When he saw Jay, he'd felt all of his grief and all of his sadness come back into him instantly. It was so weird and so sad to see another version of his dad in the room. He should have figured. Henry _told_ him that his grandmother's maiden name was Garrick before she married Barry's grandfather. He couldn't have guessed it, though, so seeing Jay brought back too much pain, too much hurt. It wasn't Jay's fault; he didn't know he was Henry's dopliganger. But it just felt so weird. Who would have guessed it? Tears escaped his eyes and came down his cheeks as he stared off into the night sky. After learning of his father's dopliganger, he'd called Oliver, who offered his patience and sympathies, telling Barry he couldn't even begin to imagine what it felt like.

 _"Barry I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I cannot even begin to imagine what that was like seeing that. I mean, you just lost your dad and then his dopliganger turns out to be Jay,"_ Oliver had said.

 _"It-It just feels so_ weird _seeing him just standing there looking, sounding, walking just like my dad! I-I-"_ Barry had vented.

 _"Barry, I know. I know you're feeling confused and upset right now, but just remember I'm always here if you need to talk."_

Oliver's words of reassurance didn't do much to soothe Barry. In fact, Barry still felt worse than he'd ever felt. He just didn't know what he needed to do, but he did know he needed to find some sort of peace.

Suddenly, Iris came out from inside the house to just sit with him. Barry looked at the stunningly beautiful woman he'd had a crush on since kindergarten. Just weeks ago, they'd talked about wanting to try dating. Barry wasn't sure if he wanted to yet. He wanted to be the man Iris deserved. He couldn't be that for her right now.

"I can't stop thinking about my dad's dopliganger. Knowing that he's out there I thought it would make things easier. It just made me miss him even more," he admitted, tears spilling down from his eyes.

"I can't even imagine how hard that must've been," Iris whispered, her voice filled with compassion.

"We just won. We just beat Zoom. Why does it feel like I just lost?" Barry asked.

"Because you've lost a lot in your life, Barry," Iris said softly. "More than most. But. . . Maybe you and me. Seeing where this thing goes. . . Maybe that can give you something for a change."

Barry contemplated this. He wanted nothing more than to be with Iris. But he still felt so empty and hollow in his heart. "That's all I ever wanted to hear you say." He smiled at her sadly. "And I wish that I was in a place where I can try that with you, but I feel so hollowed out inside right now. I've felt more broken than I've ever felt in my life. If I'm ever gonna be worth anything to you, I need to fix what's wrong with me. I need to find some. . . Some peace."

Iris simply took him by the hand, squeezing lightly. "Barry, listen to me. You waited for me for years. So I am telling you, I will do the same for you. Wherever you need to go. . . Whatever you need to do. . . Do it. And I will be here. I love you, Barry Allen," she whispered. They leaned in and proceeded to share the lightest, most passionate kiss they've ever shared between them. Her lips were a gentle brush against his as Barry breathed in the light floral scent of her perfume. Barry sighed.

"I love you," he whispered. As he watched her go into the house, Barry looked into the window of the living room of all that he loved. Joe, Iris, Cait, Cisco, and Wally. His family. His security. But, he still felt broken. He felt that he owed his mother and father the second chance to live and see him become his best. His mom didn't get to see him graduate from high school, to see him graduate from college, to see him become the Flash. His dad didn't get to see him get the girl of his dreams, didn't get to visit him in his coma when he'd been hit by the particle accelerater, every Christmas, birthday, Thanksgiving, Easter, Father's Day, they were forced to celebrate with glass and phones between them, not being able to embrace one another and hug for fifteen years. His chest ached as he thought about what he was about to do.

"I'm sorry, Iris." He proceeded to run and run, his feet and heart pounding. He knew the reprocussions of time travel. But he didn't care, being blinded by his pain and grief. He needed to give his mother and father a second chance at life. They deserved that. He needed to felt like he deserved that.

* * *

 ** _Six months later_**

Barry found himself in Eobard's time vault, staring at the news paper article from the future. After three months of being in Flashpoint, he realized just how horrible that timeline had been for everyone. So he'd restored it. However, he found things to be even more horrible. Joe and Iris had stopped talking, Caitlin had developed dissociative identity disorder, Cisco's older brother died in a car accident and he still hasn't forgiven him, John Diggle no longer had a baby girl. And now, Alchemy and Savitar. And up until now, the newspaper that used to have been written by Iris West-Allen was written by Julie Greer. Something has changed with Iris' future. Barry burried his head into his hands. However, he could hear Oliver walking into the room.

"Barry what are you doing in here?" Oliver asked him.

"I've been so focused on the past I didn't give a thought about the future," Barry whispered. "This is an article from 2024 a story about me vanishing. This article used to be written by Iris West-Allen. Something's changed with our future. God what did I do?"

"Barry, I get it. You wanted your parents alive. Do you realize if I had your abilities I would make the exact same choice?" Oliver asked. "You can't beat yourself up over it. I would give anything to see both my parents alive again. I know hwo how you feel; I understand that at that time you weren't thinking; all you were thinking about was allowing your mom and dad to see the man you are. Thea would give anything."

Barry let out a sigh as he turned around. "Yeah, you-you told me about your parents."

Oliver nodded hard. "Barry, I am telling you that none of this is your fault. As selfish of a choice you made, you wanted to see your parents have a second chance at living. You felt as though you owed that to them. That doesn't make you a bad person. Sure, Cisco is pissed, but he's gotta realize that he can't stay mad at you for changing the past when he wanted you to go back and save his brother. And Sara, and Ray? They should be the last ones mad at you for this. Sara had wanted to go back in the past and save Laurel, regardless of what it could have done. You are not God, Barry. You did not have a say in what happened in this timeline."

Barry nodded. "I know that. I just hate that I lost their trust, and that they're not giving me the chance to earn it back."

"They will come around, Barry." Oliver rested a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "Sara will realize that she was in your position; that doesn't give her the right to judge you for messing with time when she wanted to after Laurel died."

"They just need to realize that they need to pull their heads out of their own asses and realize that what you did was out of grief and you weren't in the right headspace," Felicity said, walking into the room. "I already talked to Cisco about it; he just needs more time."

"Yeah well if we do not work as a team these dominators are gonna kill every meta in the city. Sara and Ray better not be holding this grudge for too long because if they do. . ." Oliver's voice trailed off.

"They need to realize that they would do the same thing. At least Jax admitted to it," Felicity said.

Barry nodded. He knew he needed to earn the rest of the team's trust back; he just didn't know how. However, he felt grateful for Oliver and Felicity; the fact that they still trusted him and were being sympathetic. Even in his weakest the two of them were always there. Barry simply walked out of the time vault and went over to Iris, kissing her softly. He didn't know what the future was going to hold. All he knew was that he was going to hold onto her for as long as possible. Even though his mother and father were no longer alive, he still had so much.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

 **And that's the end. Thank you all for the support that you've been giving the story with reviews and favoring. It means a lot, as this is my first fanfiction for The Flash.**


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